Confessions of a Lost Christian

     The title states " Confession of a Lost Christian"... How can this be right? God isn't the author of CONFUSION! That's what's in the bible, that's what preachers say, that's what other believers say when they try to comfort you through your "confusion" stage. But as for me at this very stage in my life I feel like Thomas. Mr. Doubt! Yet it pains me and convicts me at the same time. I don't intend to call myself perfect yet I have perfectionistic qualities. I want my plans to go the way I want. Yet sometimes I wonder if I have aligned my plans with the ideas of what the World may envision my "plans" should be. For I understand
Jer. 29:11 which states " For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome". I try to quote it frequently and believe it. Especially in times like this when life just doesn't make sense.

          Maybe its time for me to believe that my testimony is a daily work in progress so that I may reach others which is what I so desired to do when I started this blog. For the concept of Mirrored Images was and maybe still is to Mirror the Image of Christ into the World. That was the goal, the vision when I decided to sit down and write down the thoughts of that were given to me by Christ. But now as I truly confess, my walk with Him has grown Cold. No longer am I dying to go to church. I'm more like dying on the inside because I have felt like God has forsaken me, the "Church" has forsaken me. Yet I try to regenerate the feelings of passion that I once had. Having an unashamed praise and evangelistic focus to tell others about the gospel. But when my plans flipped upside down I felt and still feel like I'm a failure in this walk. A failure in this life. Yet in my soul I know God has to be true, has to be real. For He tells us to think on things that are lovely, pure and stand on his promises. (Phil 4:8-9NIV)

            We are to focus on the living water not just a quick sip to get us through. That's the goal right! Duh! I know this, you may or may not know or understand but that's why He was sent on earth to save us. So I guess I write in repentance, like David in Pslams 51:10-12NIV where he laments in his faults seeking forgiveness, wisdom and restoration :

        Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
         Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
         Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

                    David is writing about his sin with Bathsheba. He understood his wrong and was pleading to God to be cleansed. He remembered his relationship with the Lord. He acknowledge that he was weak and in Him he was made Strong. I understand that I know nothing apart from Him but in my life I just wish sometimes that His plans for me were all laid out. I know that my whole life I have understood that if I do well in life that I will be rewarded and if I don't do as well then I won't be. But I must learn grace! That even when the World doesn't accept me God will always accept me. Even when I'm literally alone, I am never alone in Him. For the Human Church will get it wrong but the Holy Church in Him always gets it. For nothing will will separate me from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:38-39 NIV) So I encourage you as I encourage my self that we must live a Romans 12 lifestyle.

 In the message bible it puts it this way:
  " So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday,ordinary life-your sleeping,eating, going-to-work, and walking -around life-and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily  recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you,always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1-2 MSG)

                         For we live in the WORLD to Transform it. If we don't change how will others!